Commitment Analyst T-Shirts

'You're nice, but I'll need to run your proposal by my attorney, accountant, web master,job coach and HMO.'

'Will you marry me and at the same time agree to take out divorce insurance?'

"I need you, Roberta. Deep inside me there's a married man aching to get out."

Monogamy

Woman thinking - "But is it a real relationship?"

"I'm migratory, Henrietta, not flighty."

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

Relationship Warning Lights

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

"I don't think you're taking this relationship seriously..."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

A Reasonable Time for Concern

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

'How worse? Give me the worst-case scenario.'

Preachers with far too much input

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

"Merely dating" "Lover's leap" "Undecided? Take a hike"

Woman dragging reluctant partner into Tunnel of Commitment.

"I do enjoy seeing you, Roger, but I'm not sure if you're binge-worthy."

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

"I need a man who will commit."

Marriage & Divorce.

'And promise to love each other through constant drama, bad judgment, poor choices and self-delusion?'

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."

'It's a big step getting married. I need time to think about it - What did you say your name was?'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"And where exactly is Timbuktu?"