Comfortable Lounger Gifts

"He claims she's frigid. She says he's too stingy to heat the waterbed."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

Sunbathing in the park

'She'll never look for me here.'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

Typical...the weather is lousy all week...then on the weekend it's too sunny to work.

'Typical it's cloudy all week, the the weekend arrives and it's too sunny to do any gardening.'

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

"You can migrate without me - I'm staying here this year."

'Welcome home, Dear. Your dinner is in the popcorn bowl.'

'...and talk about lazy!'

After 9pm Harry Lomax slips quietly into cruise control.

Man sleeps beside 'do not disturb' sign as an alligator sneaks up on him.

"How?"

Sick person curled up at home

Leaves falling from a roof garden.

"Isn't it about time to switch from your warm-weather chair to your cold-weather chair?"

'Where does cozy end and tepid begin?'

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

'I'm able to live the American dream by getting paid in Euros, running my business form an offshore tax haven and getting European style universal health care.'

"Medical science continues to provide hope in a troubled world. Now they say chocolate is good for you!"

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"It's called 'muscle confusion'. First, I put on my workout clothes, then I confuse my muscles by not working out."

'I'd say the couch is contouring a bit TOO much to their bodies.'

"Time to spring-clean where I spent the entire winter."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

Champagne and Oysters

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'Well played, sir.'

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

Custer's last tan.

"Oooo!... Leather! I'd love to shed on that!!"