Comedy Survivor Gifts

Desert Island Death.

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'You are here' sign on desert island.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"At least my putting has improved."

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

"Will you quit listening to your ten all-time favorite albums and help me find some food!"

'Well, this is not a good sign: Can I have a look at that map of yours?'

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

'What'

typical flight animals, always on the alert and ready to run: Antelopes and Jimmy Floethoober.

'Many creatures have adapted beautifully to the harsh life of the desert' - 'If I survive one more day...' 'It's like a furnace here.'

Man looking very nervous in an inflatable boat with a porcupine.

"When I grow up, I want to have my own castaway, like you."

Man on a desert island uses fish bones to hold up a hammock.