Comedy Survivor T-Shirts

Desert Island Death.

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"At least my putting has improved."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

"Will you quit listening to your ten all-time favorite albums and help me find some food!"

'Well, this is not a good sign: Can I have a look at that map of yours?'

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"

'What'

Man looking very nervous in an inflatable boat with a porcupine.

'Many creatures have adapted beautifully to the harsh life of the desert' - 'If I survive one more day...' 'It's like a furnace here.'

typical flight animals, always on the alert and ready to run: Antelopes and Jimmy Floethoober.

"When I grow up, I want to have my own castaway, like you."