Sitcom Survivor Gifts

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

Desert Island BBQ

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

Comic,,,Drama,,,Laugh Track,

"The trees are laughing at us."

'-Not THE Queen Vic?'

Situation Tragedy.

Polterguest: "When is your brother going to leave? He's driving me crazy!"

'It was a very strange divorce — the judge got custody of my wife.'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

Larry David

"So I play this guy named Stan Snorkel who finds a big, gray poodle..."

'I wasn't going to destroy their country until they introduced me to the cast of 'Jersey Shore'.'

'Mom, was Dad your number one draft choice?'

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

'That's not funny, Fred.'

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

"Yet it's magically okay when Mrs. Maisel & Susie talk like that."

"No, Barbara, this wouldn't make a great 'Seinfeld' episode!"

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"He goes through the TV listings deleting all the 'trash' I like."

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

... and I'd suggest you take more frequent breaks from your computer.

"I took two lessons before I released my first album."