Showbiz Survivors Gifts

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

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"The cat walking business didn't go anywhere! Neither did we."

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

'Yes, it is a stressful job.'

"Recently separated."

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

"We'd like to switch you from working under the radar to living off the grid."

Robot Bores

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

"Of course we'll still be friends...."

Hillary knew to not get too excited about being in remission since bad news could again come out of nowhere.

Attendance Has Dropped

"An exclusive group. Each survived three scandals and was re-elected."

"Our foundation covers up just about anything ??" aside from childhood trauma."

'As an unpaid intern, Peabody, I think you're the ideal person to explain to the workforce why it is necessary for me to cut their pay in these difficult times for business.'

"Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury."

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"I want you to leave and take your headlong slide into oblivion with you."

Now in its 27th year - Sirens with Original Cast.

"Life was beautiful. Then I read the comments."

'What'

Work Meeting Rules

'I love you, but I have to keep moving or I'll suffocate and die.'

'Okay, this time I've added - "How do you rate this message?" with one to five stars.'

'Man's best friend. Hah!'

"Relax, eventually the scar will disappear!"

"I only kill the messenger if PowerPoint is involved."

"Hello, Miss Brophy? How are my dot.com shares doing at the moment?"

'Don't be in such a hurry! The wine needs time to breathe.'