Showbiz Survivors Gifts

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

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"The cat walking business didn't go anywhere! Neither did we."

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"Recently separated."

'Yes, it is a stressful job.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

"We'd like to switch you from working under the radar to living off the grid."

Attendance Has Dropped

"An exclusive group. Each survived three scandals and was re-elected."

Robot Bores

"Of course we'll still be friends...."

Hillary knew to not get too excited about being in remission since bad news could again come out of nowhere.

"You are so lucky I keep kosher."

"Our foundation covers up just about anything ??" aside from childhood trauma."

'As an unpaid intern, Peabody, I think you're the ideal person to explain to the workforce why it is necessary for me to cut their pay in these difficult times for business.'

"Yes, that's our bathroom. We're a startup, so plumbing and running water is a luxury."

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"I want you to leave and take your headlong slide into oblivion with you."

"Life was beautiful. Then I read the comments."

Now in its 27th year - Sirens with Original Cast.

'What'

Work Meeting Rules

'I love you, but I have to keep moving or I'll suffocate and die.'

"Relax, eventually the scar will disappear!"

'Okay, this time I've added - "How do you rate this message?" with one to five stars.'

'Man's best friend. Hah!'

"I only kill the messenger if PowerPoint is involved."

Disgraced sports hero image rehab.

"Hello, Miss Brophy? How are my dot.com shares doing at the moment?"