Showbiz Veteran Gifts

Now in its 27th year - Sirens with Original Cast.

Showbiz Awards

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Music Hall Dancers

Giorgio A. Tsoukalos - Ancient Aliens

Toenail clipping missile.

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

'I'm a star!'

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

Animal Actors

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

Barry Norman

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Bette Midler

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

'Call you back - I'm with my agent.'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

Boarway Show

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

'I don't mind playing dead. But what I would really like to do is direct.'

Live the Dream!

"Looks like Broadway's back."

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

TV Producers Workshop. The first goal of a series to avoid cancellation long enough to issue a DVD set. Get boxed before you get canned!