Showbiz Star Gifts

"Thank you for coming into the studio tonight, your story is truly a fascinating one, however I've decided our time would be better spent reviewing my meteoric rise to celebrity status within this television network."

Showbiz Awards

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Tom Hanks

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Music Hall Dancers

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

'I'm a star!'

Joe Henry

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

Toenail clipping missile.

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."