Showbiz Personality Gifts

'so let me get this straight... you're famous for being the sister of the wife of a man who went to school with someone who knew someone else who is already famous?'

'You say that you wish you had just one percent of my talent? Well that's exactly what you have got.'

'You showbiz types can never make intelligent conversation!'

Showbiz Awards

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

Joan Hickson

The americanisation of vulture.

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Meanwhile in Hollywood

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

Little Red Riding Carpet

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Music Hall Dancers

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

Giorgio A. Tsoukalos - Ancient Aliens

Toenail clipping missile.

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

Will work for Food Network.

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

People leave joke shop with false moustache, nose and glasses marketed as 'the Robert Winston'.

Celebrity Phrenologist.

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

Chris O'Dowd

"This lovely song tells of a young, pretty actress, her ups and downs, and how she found happiness after rehab."