Showbiz Star Prints

Touch Gig

"Thank you for coming into the studio tonight, your story is truly a fascinating one, however I've decided our time would be better spent reviewing my meteoric rise to celebrity status within this television network."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Showbiz Awards

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Jack Gleeson

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

The Life and Times of Miley Cyrus

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

Tom Hanks

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

Super Bowl Halftime Show Barbra Streisand reads from her memoir.

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

George Clooney Machine

Music Hall Dancers

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

Joe Henry

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

Toenail clipping missile.

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'