Showbiz Enthusiast Gifts

Caricature of Bruce Forsythe

'We're looking for a star, and I truly believe that star could be you...'

One-man show: Only one man shows up in audience.

'Our house is being staged. Dad says we've got a good shot at getting in - if we can pass the audition.'

Studio Manager: 'Righto, you're on Chef. Break a egg!'

'He thinks he's a show dog.'

'Is there a doctor in the house from the actor's preferred provider network?'

"Well of course we don't all freeze up in the spotlight."

'so let me get this straight... you're famous for being the sister of the wife of a man who went to school with someone who knew someone else who is already famous?'

"Actually, I was hoping you'd have rolled out the red carpet just a little bit sooner!"

Music Hall Dancers

'No - send in the clowns!'

"Couldn't be busier. My agent is suing my manager, my manager is suing my lawyer, I'm suing my agent and my lawyer is suing me."

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"I'm afraid you'll have to speak to my agent!"

'Anyway, you look wonderful. Mind if I ask who does your lighting?'

'Come in, Jordan - your time is up.'

'Being caught sober in your car is very bad for your career.'

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

'And the award for 'most sensational celebrity divorce' goes to...'

'I don't think I can face coming into the office today . . . Jordan has split up with Alex Reid. . . It's like Tom and Nicole all over again... I've been in floods of tears since I woke up.'

Strippers Dressing Room

'Hire my talent'

'There's no business like show business.'

"Mom, I got the job!"

"And you wouldn't believe how much it costs to bring up a child star these days!"

"Today is the rabbit's day off."

"And being her agent does pay pretty well. So, what night is wet-t-shirt night anyhow...?"

"I'll sign you up right now, provided you ditch the no talent big guy."

Boy George

"Well, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that you failed last week's audition."

"Sorry, you're a good character actor, but you don't have the physique to be the hero's horse. I can give you the trusted pack-horse role though..."

Two women in jeweled dresses

"I know I'm a possum, but I'd like to get a role that doesn't require me to play dead."