Musical Survivors Gifts

Hillary knew to not get too excited about being in remission since bad news could again come out of nowhere.

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

An old man wearing a band t-shirt

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

'And in conclusion.'

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

'He gives his heart and soul to every annual performance review.'

"I think your guitar's broken. No matter what you play, it sounds the same."

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

"Face it, Tim, that cute little Pet Rock you bought in 1976 is now a full-grown boulder - it's time to set him free!"

"Average sales figures, average customer satisfaction, average punctuality. Mediocrity is certainly one of your major strengths, Jenkins."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, Mac, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Thanks For Not Firing Me Cards

'You had a good idea in our staff meeting yesterday. So, the church sent someone over to witness the miracle.'

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"There'd be a lot less hemming and hawing if you did a better job of flimming and flamming."

'Yes, it is a stressful job.'

"Have you met your target?"

Bored Meeting

"I took two lessons before I released my first album."

From the moment John stepped into the room, he knew something was up.

Turtle Haze

"We'd like to switch you from working under the radar to living off the grid."

"Mr. Rod gave me my employee review. He said I totally 'meet expectations'."

Attendance Has Dropped

'Face it, Al, there's no business like show business for you anymore.'

'As an unpaid intern, Peabody, I think you're the ideal person to explain to the workforce why it is necessary for me to cut their pay in these difficult times for business.'

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

Why they're called 'bullet points'.

"Life was beautiful. Then I read the comments."