Comedy Readers Gifts

Animal Book Club

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"That'll be five bucks."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

X-ray Psychology.

The Salmon Run

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Fish snorkling above water.

wattle covers

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I think it's about time we tell him he's adopted.'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'A is for Arse.'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Sign that says 'This is not a sign.'

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."