Humor Readers Gifts

How to Meet Sluts.

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Ann Coulter always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

Empathy

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

Easter Candy Island.

Apricots

'We loved this book. Twenty nine experts tell you how to think independently.'

A man and his dog both reading.

All this pressure to be the perfect storm...

Examination.

'Before we staqrt biting do you practice catch and release?'

Warning! Stay off the biotech lawn.

"No, I said to swab the deck!"

'You can hit out of the trap or take a 2 stroke penalty.'

Mister Oedipus.

"Sure, I may be over the top, but at least I'm not underhanded like him!"

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'I sort of drifted into this...I always wanted to do children's gymkhanas.'

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

Book

"First of all, kudos on landing a corner office."

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'Arnold, blow the whole depot, then hightail it out of here.'

"Stop smirking, it's just an expression! You know perfectly well what I mean when I say I'm putting my foot down and you can't go out tonight!"

Declutter Your Life

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

Psychiatry. I keep thinking the same bad thoughts over and over! An "emotional baggage carousel"!

"Of course I'm self-absorbed. I'm a sponge!"

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

The Family Joules: Part 17

"In school I got punished for copying, yet now it's all I'm asked to do."