Comedic Biblical Scholar Gifts

'Whose hair is that on your shoulder?'.

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"I've got writer's block."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"You call this a constitution?"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

The World's Biggest Book Club

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Zoo: No Hunting.

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"What did Jesus order?"

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

King Solomon's Pollster.

Genetic Fingerprinting.

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

'Please take your receipt!'

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'