Column Lover Gifts

The Capital Sisters - Dory, Cory, and Io

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Busy man, busy life, busy shirt.

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

'I made my own list of My World's 100 Most Powerful Women!'

'Maybe fruit flies don't have souls.'

Santa called but you were out!

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"You pulled most of the muscles in your back lifting your to-do list? You've got a bigger problem than pulled muscles."

"Hey look, my To Do list! I haven't been able to find this for weeks!"

'Just a couple more and we'll call it a day.'

Marley had a little lamb

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

'You've been killing files again.'

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"I had no idea life could be so complicated."

Don't tell me fibs! I know ou wrote to the Corinthians, and ya wrote to the Romans, bnot to mention to Galatians, but do you write to your mother?

Balloon Surprise

"I won the spelling bee because Eddie Scott invented three letters."

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

The Adventures of Tom Friedman, Boy Reporter

"How many letters can you read?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but Dostoyevsky is not considered summer reading. I'll have to ask you to come with me."

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'