Column Connoisseur Gifts

Doric, Ionic, and Ironic columns.

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Sculptor's chippings

S**t Threw a Goose

Moliere

C Day Lewis.

Bleak House

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Charles Dickens.

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

Barbed Pen

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"It's too academic."

Film Critic

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

They said he couldn't have a two-liter soda, and he just went crazy!

Bahrain F1

Comment on food.

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark