Connoisseur Gifts

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Sculptor's chippings

S**t Threw a Goose

Moliere

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

Charles Dickens.

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

C Day Lewis.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

Barbed Pen

Bleak House

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"It's too academic."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

Film Critic

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

Comment on food.

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

'To you it may contain 'a surfeit of soluble, optically active carbohydrates derives from higher alcohols'. To me, it's sweet.'

Crazy Ideas