Connoisseur T-Shirts

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Sculptor's chippings

S**t Threw a Goose

Moliere

Bleak House

Charles Dickens.

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

Barbed Pen

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"It's too academic."

Film Critic

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

Comment on food.

'To you it may contain 'a surfeit of soluble, optically active carbohydrates derives from higher alcohols'. To me, it's sweet.'

Crazy Ideas

Algernon Swinburne

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'