College Aficionado Gifts

"This says freshmen college enrollment is reaching record levels!"

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Santa does a keg stand.

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

'He was very big in Vienna.'

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

"How are my animal mascot teams doing?"

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

"They all failed?! What on earth was the question?" "How do you fund a university?"

'I started a whole new business, Mom! Kids are paying me to complete their college applications.'

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

"School is loverly this time of year."

"His number is the amount of payola he received to play basketball for his college."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also getting schools to pay you a share of their ticket and sports memorabilia sales.'