College Aficionado Gifts

"This says freshmen college enrollment is reaching record levels!"

'Hmph. College kids.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Santa does a keg stand.

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

'He was very big in Vienna.'

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

It's unlikely the "Deadly Sins" team from Hades University will go far in the basketball tourney. Wrath is suspended for arguing with the refs and sloth always skips practice. Pride puts too much pressure on himself and greed won't risk an injury that would blow his chances for a pro contract. Lust is distracted by the cheerleaders and Envy wants the shots all the other players are getting. Gluttony is the only player thriving in the tournament spotlight. Yeah, he just eats up all the atten

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

"How are my animal mascot teams doing?"

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

'I'm getting a little concerned about Timmy. He hasn't wormed his way out of anything all semester.'

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

The Artificial Intelligentsia

"They all failed?! What on earth was the question?" "How do you fund a university?"

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

'I started a whole new business, Mom! Kids are paying me to complete their college applications.'

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

Canine Frat Parties

'There's more to life than winning. There's also getting schools to pay you a share of their ticket and sports memorabilia sales.'