College Enthusiasts Gifts

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Santa does a keg stand.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

End of Affirmative Action

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

"I hope that this is just a riot of passage."

"How are my animal mascot teams doing?"

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

Taser incident.

'My parents didn't want me to get left behind.'

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

'My kid is going to Harvard, and Jim's son to Stanford- which college accepted yoyr kid, Fred? ( pix of clown on desk)

Trouble at med school - "Gosh, it's already my third day and I'm still sober."

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

'I understand the school has a policy of promoting from within, so I'd like to be considered for your job when you retire.'

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

"How's your spring break going, Jerry?"

'Interesting specialist subjects.'

Canine Frat Parties