College Bound Enthusiast Gifts

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

"One year closer to college!"

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Santa does a keg stand.

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Trust

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

I'm interning at town hall for my college transcript. Cool. I'm taking AP classes to boost my GPA. How about you, Twig? I'm working at my dad's nursery. What do you get out of that? Money. Novel idea!

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

"Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I promise to only make mistakes you never made."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

As he picked up the video game controller, the trap was sprung, and Ryan's mother forced him to fill out college applications.

The Artificial Intelligentsia

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

'I started a whole new business, Mom! Kids are paying me to complete their college applications.'

"How's your spring break going, Jerry?"

'Interesting specialist subjects.'

"I'm glad this is the last of it. Mom and Dad kept smiling, but I know it's breaking their hearts that I'm going to be living at college!"

"I hear we're all getting valentines from Lawrence Summers."

Blew off my S.A.T. prep class.

"That's Ruffles, our I.Q.-sniffing dog."

'I flunked my driving exam. How am I going to get into Harvard now?'

Son, when I went to school, I trudged for years knee-deep in student loans!

'Please continue your education. I like working at this university.'

Branded? Nah, that there's a decal where my kid goes to college. OU.

"Ain't it great to be back on campus again?"

It's nice to have a positive parents' night topic. College admissions. Hearing about drugs, depression and sexually transmitted diseases gets old. The 3 downer 'Ds'. Tonight we'll discuss your kids' futures in higher education. We'll cover drugs, depression, diseases and crushing debt. Correction. 4 'Ds'.

Relax! The college process need not be stressful! Staying calm actually helps your child cope. Parents' night. Top colleges are brutally competitive. Even state universities are rejecting excellent students. I'm relaxed. Me too!

'We've found that having our kids leave for college from an actual nest helps them to grasp this momentous passage in their lives.'

Binge Drinking On Campus.