College Bound Enthusiast Gifts

"One year closer to college!"

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Santa does a keg stand.

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

Trust

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

"Don't worry, Mom and Dad. I promise to only make mistakes you never made."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

'I started a whole new business, Mom! Kids are paying me to complete their college applications.'

"I'm glad this is the last of it. Mom and Dad kept smiling, but I know it's breaking their hearts that I'm going to be living at college!"

'Interesting specialist subjects.'

"How's your spring break going, Jerry?"

"I hear we're all getting valentines from Lawrence Summers."

Blew off my S.A.T. prep class.

"That's Ruffles, our I.Q.-sniffing dog."

'I flunked my driving exam. How am I going to get into Harvard now?'

Son, when I went to school, I trudged for years knee-deep in student loans!

'Please continue your education. I like working at this university.'

"Ain't it great to be back on campus again?"

Binge Drinking On Campus.

'I need time off to go back to college and party. Fraternity leave.'