University Enthusiast Gifts

'Because when you're old and lonely, you'll get mail from your alumni association. That's why you need to graduate from college.'

My other son is at Oxford.

The Artificial Intelligentsia

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

'...Not getting in, too big a bribe...'

Hoist With His Own Petard

Branded? Nah, that there's a decal where my kid goes to college. OU.

'University prospectuses ares not what they were.'

'Please continue your education. I like working at this university.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Scarcity

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Santa does a keg stand.

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

Teacher and students.

Max Weber

End of Affirmative Action

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

Med School Mascots.

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

"I hope that this is just a riot of passage."

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'