University Enthusiast Pillows

'Because when you're old and lonely, you'll get mail from your alumni association. That's why you need to graduate from college.'

My other son is at Oxford.

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

'...Not getting in, too big a bribe...'

Hoist With His Own Petard

'University prospectuses ares not what they were.'

'Please continue your education. I like working at this university.'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Scarcity

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Santa does a keg stand.

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

Teacher and students.

Max Weber

End of Affirmative Action

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"I hope that this is just a riot of passage."

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

'That's it?'

Emile Durkheim