University Aficionados Gifts

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

Teacher and students.

End of Affirmative Action

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

Med School Mascots.

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

"I hope that this is just a riot of passage."

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

'My parents didn't want me to get left behind.'

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

The Artificial Intelligentsia

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

Harvard Waiting List

"You'd think a Humanities professor would be more lenient in her grading."

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

'I admit I copied all my essays from the internet.'

The Dean of Physics Demonstrates the Basic Premise of Give and Take, And in Particular Take, To Professor Kott.

'I had a good share and tell, Ms. Gibbs, but my family made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

'..And remember, your success will be measured in how much you donate to the university's alumni fund.'

"I hear we're all getting valentines from Lawrence Summers."

Not publishing at your university? Is that what they mean when they say they're cracking down on white collar crime?

How to Tell If Your Teacher Is A Leftist

'Please continue your education. I like working at this university.'

"Are you sure her voicemail didn't say to 'bring a rose'?"

It's nice to have a positive parents' night topic. College admissions. Hearing about drugs, depression and sexually transmitted diseases gets old. The 3 downer 'Ds'. Tonight we'll discuss your kids' futures in higher education. We'll cover drugs, depression, diseases and crushing debt. Correction. 4 'Ds'.