Academia Aficionados Gifts

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

Scientists are sexy

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

'Actually I can't even figure out the origin of this organization.'

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

'Today in school, we learned how to count to one.'

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

'Your anatomy teacher says you're a pain in the gluteus.'

Did I cheat? You're not wearing a wire, are you?

"If you insist on giving me a gift for being accepted into Oxford, I could use a new DVD player...gift wrapped in a BMW."

Let me guess...you peed on your homework again!

"They all failed?! What on earth was the question?" "How do you fund a university?"

"I buried my doctoral thesis in an unmarked grave. . . because, ultimately, you never know."

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

"School is loverly this time of year."

'You don't want your son to learn Latin? Don't worry, he's already decided that for himself!'

Sherlock Holmes gets back at Professor Moriarty through reduced research funding.