Academia Aficionados Gifts

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

Scientists are sexy

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

'Actually I can't even figure out the origin of this organization.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

'Today in school, we learned how to count to one.'

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

'Your anatomy teacher says you're a pain in the gluteus.'

'I'm getting a little concerned about Timmy. He hasn't wormed his way out of anything all semester.'

"If you insist on giving me a gift for being accepted into Oxford, I could use a new DVD player...gift wrapped in a BMW."

Let me guess...you peed on your homework again!

Obedience School. So, are you considering any post-grad work?

Did I cheat? You're not wearing a wire, are you?

"They all failed?! What on earth was the question?" "How do you fund a university?"

"I buried my doctoral thesis in an unmarked grave. . . because, ultimately, you never know."

Sherlock Holmes gets back at Professor Moriarty through reduced research funding.