Academia Enthusiasts Gifts

"You'd think a Humanities professor would be more lenient in her grading."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Scarcity

U of Debt

Scientists are sexy

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

Max Weber

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

End of Affirmative Action

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

"Improve your geography results, Perkins or you're history!"

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'