Academia Enthusiast Gifts

'We've decided to support you for the rest of your life. It's cheaper than sending you to college.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

"You want proof? I'll give you proof!"

"I'm sorry Professor, but you know too much!"

'At least you know I'm not cheating.'

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

"See, Mom? I'm not such a know-it-all."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Ethics exam cheater.

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

Eternal Student.

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

'It's all original research. I had no assistance when I looked it up on Wikipedia.'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Continuing education.

Scarcity

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Now showing, at a University near you...

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'So what are you studying, young man?'

Calculation Board - You Are Here

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

"Ah, ha! The universe IS expanding! I can't find my glasses anywhere!"