Academic Life Enthusiast Gifts

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Good news - you've been given tenure."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Burning the midnight oil.

Scarcity

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Congratulations! All that cramming paid off.

Six Thinking Hats

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Santa does a keg stand.

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"So the secret to getting good grades is to study hard...seems a little extreme!"

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

Teacher and students.

Max Weber

'It's ok Billy . . .I won a bet with principal Jones!'

End of Affirmative Action

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"Quit your whining... Someday you'll appreciate affordable student housing."

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"I need a gap year."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'