Academic Life Gifts

Tenure.

'Yes, dad, I mis-spoke my math grade, covered-up my reprimand from the dean, and cheated on an English quiz, but I'm getting an A in political science.'

"On my salary microeconomics is all I can afford."

Pompous young oxford man asking someone whether he was 'at either university'

'You realize, of course, there are no easy answers.'

"We now begin to notice that very few major modern writers have had big hair."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"The 'Maurice Q. Dinkelfrost Professor of Economics' really is an endowed chair even though we made up the name just to amuse ourselves."

'This qualifies you to make educated guesses.'

A-level results 19th Aug - 'D' for dunce

'I like to see their reactions when I have a member of the cafeteria staff collect their dissertation projects.'

'I go to college -- What do you do for a living?'

Philosophy department office with two boxes on desk - 'being' and 'nothingness'.

Meet the non-author! Noted scholar who never gave a hoot to write a book!

"This one here always grosses me out."

Philosophy Department - Are You Really Here?

'How about we drop this whole nerd thing for a night and just have a fantastic time?'

'Waiter, waiter!. . . Oh nothing I just like the word.'

'My degree is in the Social Sciences, yet I'm a klutz and don't know one fork from another!'

Prof. Flocking was very influential on campus. Particularly amongst the Ornithologist."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Ethics exam cheater.

The Art Student.

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Albania and North Macedonia: entrance denied

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"