College Life Gifts

Nancy Wheeler/Natalia Dyer

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I have a lot of student loans to pay back."

'Congratulations, your days of avoiding the real world are finally over.'

'I see you have a rich and generous father. You're in.'

'You are supposed to be here.'

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

Tired of constantly sending her money, Jill's parents installed an ATM in her dorm room.

'Please tell me you aren't my roommate.'

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Graduation - Now you can do your own laundry.'

'Oh him? That's Frank. My parents made me take in a boarder to cover the cost of my car insurance.'

No.1 best-selling book on college campuses - 'How to say 'send money' in 101 languages'.

'I know my grades weren't that good, but on the plus side, I'm the only person in my dorm who hasn't maxed out a credit card.'

"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."

'We don't have energy-efficient appliances but the food in the 'fridge has gone green.'

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'That reminds me. We have a faculty meeting this afternoon.'

'Finally paid off my tuition fees.'

You're in the Engineering Quad, Just Back Away Slowly and Find the Humanities Quad.

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

Shooting a spitball at the Dean on graduation day.

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

'I'm getting ready to apply to colleges. Do you have a list of party schools?'

"...This is the only way I can get though college!"

"This frat better be worth it!"

'Granted, it's not a traditional sport, but I was hoping a party school might offer athletic scholarships for beer pong.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Binge Drinking On Campus.

With their only child off to college, the Gilmonts each suffered empty-nest syndrome in their own way.