Quirky College Life Gifts

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

The Art Student.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'Hmph. College kids.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I'm supposed to take a geography test and I can't find the right room!'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Kardiff.

'This test doesn't understand me.'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study."

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

Santa does a keg stand.

"Don't tell me, first time away from home, right?"

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"Graduation day at kite flying school."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Subatomic particles

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

Too big to fail

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."