Academic Life Enthusiast Pillows

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Good news - you've been given tenure."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Burning the midnight oil.

Scarcity

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Congratulations! All that cramming paid off.

Santa does a keg stand.

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Six Thinking Hats

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"So the secret to getting good grades is to study hard...seems a little extreme!"

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

Teacher and students.

Max Weber

'It's ok Billy . . .I won a bet with principal Jones!'

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

End of Affirmative Action

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"I need a gap year."

'He was very big in Vienna.'