Academic Enthusiasts Gifts

Teaching students going through puberty.

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

Institute for Continuous Research (all-niters our specialty)

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Burning the midnight oil.

Scarcity

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

Scientists are sexy

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

U of Debt

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Congratulations! All that cramming paid off.

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Six Thinking Hats

"So the secret to getting good grades is to study hard...seems a little extreme!"

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

Max Weber

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'