Academic Aficionados Gifts

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

Scarcity

Scientists are sexy

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"Caption contest"

Thomas Keneally

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

Max Weber

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

George Santayana

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

'Today in school, we learned how to count to one.'

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

"Poetry? Philosophy? Just what kind of dinner conversation do you want?"

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

'That's it?'

Emile Durkheim

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

Let me guess...you peed on your homework again!

"Ma, I just wanted you to know that the kid whose mouth you washed out with soap dozens of times was today referred to by the New York Times as a 'profanely eloquent' playwright!"