Academic Culture Aficionados Gifts

"In addition to our speaker's many and considerable lifetime achievements, she is widely known as a piece of work!"

Scarcity

Scientists are sexy

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

All Hail the Matriarchy

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"Caption contest"

Max Weber

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

Ether Island

'He was very big in Vienna.'

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

George Santayana

Ghosts from around the world

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"As a summation of our work it's pretty accurate...apart from the beginning, middle and end of all the words in between!"

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

New around here?

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

We hadn't realised your body language was French....

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

'I thought you said you were taking me to Swan Lake?'

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

"Data is just another way of never having to say you're sorry. You know that, David."

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

'That's it?'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."