Academic Aficionado Gifts

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."

"They all failed?! What on earth was the question?" "How do you fund a university?"

'He was very big in Vienna.'

Woman in 'Humanities' department, Cow in 'Bovinities' department.

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

Proctor addressing a university student

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Scarcity

Keeping all the balls in the air - skills

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

Max Weber

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

University Book Store.

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

'Actually I can't even figure out the origin of this organization.'

High School

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"Pavlov's Blog."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

Teacher giving marks out of ten to builder repairing wall in school.

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'