Campus Enthusiasts Gifts

"We just want you to know that wherever you wind up going to college is fine with us, as long as it's someplace we can brag about to our friends."

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

Santa does a keg stand.

All Hail the Matriarchy

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

Teacher and students.

"Quit your whining... Someday you'll appreciate affordable student housing."

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

The farm-raised catfish goes to college

"I love college."

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

'It was your typical student flat: dirty dishes, broken furniture, grubby carpet and cracks in the walls'

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

Taser incident.

'My parents didn't want me to get left behind.'

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

Trouble at med school - "Gosh, it's already my third day and I'm still sober."

The Artificial Intelligentsia

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

'Quit basketball to concentrate on school. Are you crazy? Do you want to end up like all those other dreamers with a college degree and no job?'

"So how's that math grade looking? What's the team GPA this year?"

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'