Collecting Funny Cards Gifts

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"You can always count on me."

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

Lesser Known Active Volcanoes.

"My little brother's almost all better. Can I get half-off?"

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

'Look closer -- the get-well card IS your insurance payment.'

Cold Callers!

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

Parp!

"THREE quid for a romantic verse? Don't you have any snappy one liners for 50p.?"

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

Greeting cards: Get Well, Sympathy, Pity.

Reject shop: God bowl.

At death's door

"My sick friend owns a second-hand store...got any used get well cards in good condition?"

Kebab doner card

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

"We got a sympathy card. Our anniversary is next week"

'Get well soon.'