Humorous Card Collectors Gifts

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

Hollywood Sign Developers

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Santa called but you were out!

"Guide to physical comedy fish"

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"Come on. Why not just try dog hot dogs for a change?"

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

The Heating Oil Problem.

Happy Valentine's Day

'Oh yeah? Well I'm not crazy about your humming, either!'

'Relax, he is just playing fetch the stick with the kids.'

'I want you to 'take him for a walk.''

'The urge to spawn comes from the desire to hear the pitter-patter of tiny fins.'

'In future a reg number will suffice, ok.'

Witless protection prgram

Dinosaur Pet Stores

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

Why clown agents shoul never hide in the WC

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"Can you fit him with remote control facilities, doctor"

Yep, that's me in a pea pod! In a pea pod�?? I think "nutshell" has been vastly overused.

Yard Sale. It could be we're pillaging too much.

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

Witch stopped by policeman for going the wrong way up a one way street.

Chimp with mail-order anthill.

New Sheik'n'vac magic carpet freshners.

'According to his stats, this right-fielder hit .317 and is 50 in stocks, 30 in bonds and 20 in cash.'

Dizzy Spider

"Jeez, Billy, you're always talking trash!"

"The disciples are gonna be totally freaked."

'Uh-oh. Almost out of carpet.'

Bad Mom Cards - Collect The Whole Set!