Humorous Card Collector Gifts

'I know I don't have much saved up, but I really need to retire before the end of the month.'

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Santa called but you were out!

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

'I want you to 'take him for a walk.''

Happy Valentine's Day

"You have such beautiful eyes."

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

"You should have said you only wanted a trim. . . I'd have sent you to the barber next door."

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

Who Typexed out the grass?

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

Dizzy Spider

'According to his stats, this right-fielder hit .317 and is 50 in stocks, 30 in bonds and 20 in cash.'

Cold Callers!

Valentines for Things

"Before you go inside, give me a chance to explain the mess ..."

Belated $3 birthday cards. 'Darn. All I've got is two bucks.' Bob was always a day late and a dollar short.

'Relax Mrs Flanagan, I've never known a high fibre exorcism to fail yet!'

"That's a nasty cavity. That is why it is so important to brush your hair."

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

'So you've decided to drop the whole 'man with no name' image, have you?' 'Tarquin Chadwick, Gunslinger'

Happy birthday to you!

Parp!

Tooty-Fruity

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

"'Fancy a shag', I think this one is from Dwayne!"

'I almost forgot...Happy Birthday!'

Happy Xmas