Humorous Card Collector Pillows

'I know I don't have much saved up, but I really need to retire before the end of the month.'

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Santa called but you were out!

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'I want you to 'take him for a walk.''

"You have such beautiful eyes."

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"You should have said you only wanted a trim. . . I'd have sent you to the barber next door."

Who Typexed out the grass?

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

Cold Callers!

'According to his stats, this right-fielder hit .317 and is 50 in stocks, 30 in bonds and 20 in cash.'

Dizzy Spider

Valentines for Things

'Relax Mrs Flanagan, I've never known a high fibre exorcism to fail yet!'

"That's a nasty cavity. That is why it is so important to brush your hair."

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

'So you've decided to drop the whole 'man with no name' image, have you?' 'Tarquin Chadwick, Gunslinger'

Parp!

Happy birthday to you!

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

Kebab doner card

"'Fancy a shag', I think this one is from Dwayne!"

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

Happy Xmas

'I almost forgot...Happy Birthday!'

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'