Comedy Card Collector Pillows

greeting cards.

Occu-Pie Mars

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Build your very own conflict of interest!

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

A large leaf falling on a dog

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Banana Split...

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

'Excuse me could you please direct me to the nearest toilet?'

E-Baying @ The Moon

Filet minion

'Rover isn't any good at catching frisbees. You've heard of stone hands?...he's got a stone mouth.'

Turtle Hat

"The Eggsorcist"

Snowmobull

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

Thank you bubbles

A trevor of trainspotters

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

"Blast, you've cleaned me out again!" Grey squirrels out competing red squirrel for food.

"Just toot my horn and I'll be there."

"Whose the new guy?"

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

Santa called but you were out!

Philosopher trading cards.

The Card Flinger