Funny Greeting Card Collector Gifts

"Not a roll down my local!"

Ball as water-melon.

Missing You.

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

Reindeer

'And this is our new INTERACTIVE card - you buy the blank cardboard and write it yourself!'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

Leaving cards.

'I'd like three dozen friendship cards -- this war has gone on long enough.'

"The Valentine's Day gift that has it all - a card made from edible flowers dipped in chocolate!"

Looks like all your Facebook friends sent you holiday greetings cards.

Happy Valentine's Day

"You have such beautiful eyes."

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

Have a nice day, if you are already having a nice day please disregard this notice. (reading letter at mailbox)

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"You should have said you only wanted a trim. . . I'd have sent you to the barber next door."

Cards Galore.

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

Who Typexed out the grass?

Post-Apocalypse Greeting Card

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

Get well. Get down.

'If she doesn't get well do I get a refund?'

Greetings!

Greeting Card Shop: No Rhyme or Reason Cards.

Cold Callers!

"Write 'Get back to work, Simmons!' Sign it 'Warmly, Mr. Johnson' and 'P.S. get well.'"

Greeting Cards

Valentines for Things

"Before you go inside, give me a chance to explain the mess ..."

'Relax Mrs Flanagan, I've never known a high fibre exorcism to fail yet!'

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."