Snarky Card Collector Gifts

Age Cards.

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

The water desk

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

"You have such beautiful eyes."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"You should have said you only wanted a trim. . . I'd have sent you to the barber next door."

Fourth quarter earnings down, please help.

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

Who Typexed out the grass?

Aggression Therapy Seminar

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

Jane Goodall patiently gains the trust of her subjects in an unpublicized research project.

'According to his stats, this right-fielder hit .317 and is 50 in stocks, 30 in bonds and 20 in cash.'

Help Wanted: Faith Healer Healthcare Provider.

'Amazing! I thought they were more or less extinct!'

Valentines for Things

British PM David Cameron resigns

Affirmative response executive - Remember when they were just called 'yes-men'?

"Before you go inside, give me a chance to explain the mess ..."

'Relax Mrs Flanagan, I've never known a high fibre exorcism to fail yet!'

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

"That's a nasty cavity. That is why it is so important to brush your hair."

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

Happy birthday to you!

'So you've decided to drop the whole 'man with no name' image, have you?' 'Tarquin Chadwick, Gunslinger'

Parp!

Hit by corona.

'I almost forgot...Happy Birthday!'

Happy Xmas