Quirky Card Collector Gifts

"You have such beautiful eyes."

'Relax Mrs Flanagan, I've never known a high fibre exorcism to fail yet!'

A coffin is carelessly delivered

"That's a nasty cavity. That is why it is so important to brush your hair."

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

Happy birthday to you!

Crappy Birthday

101 uses of a dead cat: toast rack

Who Typexed out the grass?

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

"You should have said you only wanted a trim. . . I'd have sent you to the barber next door."

"The burglar has left us a Christmas card, isn't that sweet."

Cards for Single Socks

"Can't you read? This is a no smoking cartoon!"

Sorry You Were Out - Will Call Again.

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Ew, gross! The Wilkinses tried to spice up their Christmas letter this year by making it a swimsuit edition!'

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

Special Cards for Special Friends

When pigs fly.

'I almost forgot...Happy Birthday!'

Happy Xmas

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

I'm in a hurry. Got any "Sorry I crapped on your carpet" cards?

Father's day card for a dysfunctional family.

Valentines for Things

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Larry's used art

Seagiraffes

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.