Collecting Funny Cards Pillows

Happy Valentine's Day

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

"You can always count on me."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

Lesser Known Active Volcanoes.

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

'Still no Christmas card from the Pope? - We did send HIM once, didn't we?'

"My little brother's almost all better. Can I get half-off?"

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

Get Well cards. They're constantly coming up with new get well cards, but nothing sells as well as the one that makes it clear the sender had the same thing and worse.

'Look closer -- the get-well card IS your insurance payment.'

Cold Callers!

I'm sorry, sir. We don

When you said it was a place with women and a bar I didn't think you meant a ballet class.

"Before you go inside, give me a chance to explain the mess ..."

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

Parp!

Tooty-Fruity

At death's door

"My sick friend owns a second-hand store...got any used get well cards in good condition?"

Greeting cards: Get Well, Sympathy, Pity.

"THREE quid for a romantic verse? Don't you have any snappy one liners for 50p.?"

Reject shop: God bowl.

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

Kebab doner card

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

You're 1 of a kind! Happy Valentine's day - Noah

"We got a sympathy card. Our anniversary is next week"

'Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On Comet! On Cupid...CUPID?!'