Funny Cards Pillows

'Okay, I'll be your Valentine, but don't get any funny ideas.'

I'm in a hurry. Got any "Sorry I crapped on your carpet" cards?

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

'Jurassic Pork.'

Sleepwalker on treadmill

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"You can always count on me."

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

"What you have is what we call Cactunitus. It's when your skin is so dry you start to morph into a cactus."

Improve your leaping ability or your money back.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Chippunks

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"We keep revisiting this leash thing... Why is it so difficult for him?"

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

'Whoa! Must have snowed two feet last night.'

'Do you have any denture friendly sandwiches?'

Woman stuck doing situps has spider web being built under arm

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

I need a Valentine card that proclaims undying love but doesn't commit me to anything.

"Madeleine is always losing her contact lenses"

'He's not great at playing dead, but his sad look when he's in trouble is a real work of art.'

Our body parts

'You wish, Timmy.'

"I can't explain it, I have this irresistible urge to lie on his keyboard when he's working at home..."

'This milk smells funny.'

"I-800-DOGYLAW"