Funny Christmas Card Collector Pillows

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

'No more for him mate. He's driving.'

Ball as water-melon.

"I love these old decorations!"

Christmas Hugs

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

"Identity theft hotline? Yes, it's Dracula again. Millions of people are still stealing my identity on Halloween."

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

"You have such beautiful eyes."

"You should have said you only wanted a trim. . . I'd have sent you to the barber next door."

Who Typexed out the grass?

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

The First Black Friday

Valentines for Things

Free Chimney Cleaning.

2After using the Internet all day, Brad doesn't like any kind of popup."

'Relax Mrs Flanagan, I've never known a high fibre exorcism to fail yet!'

"That's a nasty cavity. That is why it is so important to brush your hair."

'That's typical as soon as you snap on the light, they disappear.'

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

Parp!

Happy birthday to you!

'Cards don't send greetings, people send greetings.'

'Re-gifting has become socially acceptable, dear, but re-carding is going a little too far.'

'Dang...too fast food!'

'I almost forgot...Happy Birthday!'

Kebab doner card

Happy Xmas

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."