Funny Gift Collector Pillows

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

'That's typical as soon as you snap on the light, they disappear.'

Ball as water-melon.

"...your clanking kept me awake all night."

Self-eating Chips

'Dang...too fast food!'

Speed Dating for Turtles

Cheeze Wiz.

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

Kissing the Fish

Balloon dog poos.

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

'Head down...eye on the ball...'

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

State of the Art Dog.

'Okay,stay close, and stay alert! Looks like we're heading into BIG CAT COUNTRY!'

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

Cat has swallowed computer mouse.

"Well thank you, and may I say you look quite handsome too..."

'No, don't tell me...split personality.'

The Portrait of Dorian Gray after one year in lockdown.

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

"Ah yes… this is Mr Shipley, our new head of strategically placed objects."

Chameleon and TV

Cat on Computer Keyboard.

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

"Maybe that metal device we found with the paleolithic stone tools WAS a ray gun!"

"Anatomy of a cat"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Odorant